So we've decided to include the current chapter of our lives in this blog. It is what has kept us occupied and caused the blog neglect you've seen here. For most of you this will be old news. You may feel a little dejavu but I thought it would be best to start back at the beginning. Someday we'll look back on this and will want to see the full picture (if we'll even be able to access this information on the archaic format called "a blog").
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the walk down memory lane.
April 30, 2009
Things have been busy around our house and we wanted to keep you updated on all the happenings.
After many months of disappointment, planning, and praying...we are finally in the process of expanding our family. We have started the adoption process and are equally scared and excited (okay, Kim is equally scared and excited...John is just excited).
Our initial application to adopt a child from Ethiopia has been approved and we're in the thick of paperwork, notaries, and interviews. Right now the process seems to be taking about 15 months from start to finish. We're two months into it at this point.
Our next step is to have a homestudy done. They collect information from references (thank you references!). We answer questions we never thought we'd have to even think about. They'll assess our house, our marriage, our finances, our families...and hopefully decide that we'd make pretty good parents.
It's a long, unpredictable process but we know it's right. We have felt God's guidance in this decision from the very start and we know he will give us what we need all along the way. Who wants the job of reminding me of this a year from now when I'm impatient and frustrated?
Thank you so much for the prayers you have prayed for us so far. Keep them coming. We're gonna need 'em!
May 5, 2009
Thank you all for your wonderful words of support. Really. It means a lot to us that people are excited and praying for us.
I thought I'd answer some "frequently asked questions" all in one shot.
1. Do we get to choose if it's a boy or a girl?
We do get to choose but we have opted not to. We wouldn't have been able to choose with a biological child either.
2. How old will the baby be when you bring them home?
We have requested to adopt an "infant". On average, babies are anywhere from 6 months to 1 year when they "come home".
3. Are you getting more than one baby?
The official answer is that we have applied for one baby. We have let them know that we are open to adopting siblings. I was struck by this one day, thinking about what it would be like to grow up and know that you are so far away from the people who are biologically related to you. If there are siblings that need a home, we're willing and hopefully able to give them one.
4. Where are the babies now?
Our agency runs two care centers in Ethiopia. One is for children who are initially taken into care and the other is a "transition" home for children who will soon be adopted. Our agency recently sent a DVD of the care center's Christmas party. I'm not sure what I expected it to look like but was pleasantly surprised by how nice it was. The building is new and clean and the staff was attentive and caring. Seeing it put my mind at ease.
5. Can we babysit?
Yes - would you like to sign up for a time now?
We just sent off another stack of paperwork. This stack included a "homestudy application" that was 10 pages of open ended questions like "Describe your upbringing. What would you do differently?" and "Describe your support system" and my personal favorite "What method of discipline do you think is most effective?" (my answer: "whatever method works to change the unwanted behavior". I was feeling snarky at that point.)
John and I had to answer separately. Here's a little insight into our personalities. John started and finished in a few hours. It took me 5 days.
It was emotional for me to be honest. To see a collection of words describing your parents, your spouse, your family and friends, your life experience - I felt like the luckiest girl in the whole world. (And I got to feel lucky twice because when I finally finished - I closed the document on my computer and lost it. I had to do it all over again.)
There probably won't be much to update for awhile. The next steps will be really boring stuff like getting physicals and submitting applications to immigration. I'll spare you those monotonous details.
June 21, 2009
We're here with an update on our adoption process. It's been a busy couple of months of what I've been calling our test of endurance. Sometimes this process feels like an obstacle course and we're being tested not on our merits but on whether or not we have what it takes to make it to the end. Can we jump through the hoops set out before us? Will we break from the task of answering the same questions over and over again? Will this step be the one where they say, "We're sorry, but thanks for trying."
We keep jumping and answering and they keep telling us we've passed and can move on to the next step. Here are the highlights of the last couple of months.
1. We were both seen for physicals and passed with flying colors. You'll be happy to know we are not infected with any communicable diseases...in case you were wondering.
2. We found out this week that we officially passed our homestudy. A social worker came to our house twice. Once, to ask us questions we'd already answered on the homestudy application and once to have us proofread the assessment. To be honest, we were pretty unimpressed with this part of the process. I'm not sure if it's because of my professional background or because we (okay I) had unrealistic expectations of how this part of the process would look. They had initially told us that the homestudy would consist of three visits. One in our home, one in the office, and one where the social worker would meet with us separately. What actually happened was much easier for us but I'm not so sure "easy" is really the route you want to take in determining the capability of people to be parents.
The social worker didn't seem interested in going into any real depth with our answers to her questions. Short simple answers were all that was required. After all of our anticipation and preparation the whole thing was very anticlimactic. When the social worker left after the first visit I said to John, "That was a hoop and we jumped through it."
3. Our next step is to complete several government applications that will allow us to adopt internationally. This will help expedite the process of our child becoming a U.S. citizen at the time of adoption.
4. We're signed up for a two-day parenting course at the end of this month through our agency. They'll address issues specific to international adoption and we'll be able to meet other families in our area that are also in this process. We are actually looking forward to these classes. It makes sense to gather information and prepare ourselves for the upcoming life change.
5. We're working on completing our "dossier", which is a large stack of information that gets sent to Ethiopia. It's basically our entire lives in a neat stack of papers. Financial records, medical records, homestudy assessments, visa applications, background checks (in addition to the one they've already done), fingerprints (in addition to the ones we've already done), etc. This is a big step that right now seems daunting. We'll slowly but surely make progress and tackle one piece of paper at a time.
When our dossier is complete, we'll submit it to our agency who will approve it and send it to Ethiopia.
6. Then we wait. We'll be "in line" for children that are awaiting adoption and who fit with our profile. When the needs of a child match up with our application...well, I hope it will feel like one of the best days of my life. We'll finally get to know the little person that my grandma says God meant for us all along. These days that wait time is fairly short. This isn't necessarily a good thing. It means there are a lot of children who need families and not enough families to take them. Our agency is working hard to meet the needs of those children (whether they are awaiting adoption or not). Right now the wait time seems to be about 6 months.
So that's where we are. We're strong and determined to finish this obstacle course.
Several people have asked for specific ways they could be praying for us. Here are a few:
- Pray for Ethiopia. They are experiencing a famine and many people are in need of even basic needs. If you'd like you can find out more about this at
http://www.worldvision.org/content.nsf/learn/world-vision-ethiopia and
http://donate.worldvision.org/OA_HTML/xxwv2ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?section=10324&item=1754360
- Pray for the health and safety of our child/children. It seems so strange but if they are here on this earth, I hope and pray that they are healthy and safe. Sometimes it's all I can think about.
- Pray for the resources necessary to finish this process (finances, cooperative governments - ours and theirs, etc.) So far we have wanted for nothing and don't anticipate having any difficulties financially. We have talked several times about how we feel very blessed.
Thank you all once again for your amazing support. We'll keep you posted on our progress.
July 9,2009
John put together this update on our adoption process. I'm having a hard time putting coherent sentences together.
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July 8, 2009
Can it be?…
Kim and I have been talking more and more about the adoption these days. A couple of nights ago we turned the TV off and just spent some time talking about what we were looking forward to, what we were scared of, and how tough it was not knowing what changes were coming.
We have been working quickly to get our dossier done because things are moving faster all the time. Because of the current food crisis in the horn of Africa more and more children are being given up by parents who cannot take care of them. Kim recently read a blog post of a couple who only had to wait two months after their dossier was complete before they received a referral. We were expecting to wait something like six months or so, not two, so it was shocking how quickly things were starting to move. Kim said "If we get a referral two months after our dossier is done, I might pass out."
Another reason Kim and I were talking about adoption a couple of nights ago is because we had just learned that we had our first "hiccup" in this process. We have always been interested in adopting a sibling group if we could. And we have tried to word all of our documents to say "We are interested in an infant. Also open to an infant with an older sibling." But when Kim went back to review our Home Study she found that it stated "approved for an infant 0 to 2". Upon calling the adoption agency her fears were realized in finding out that we probably would have to resubmit the Home Study with revised wording. But there wasn’t much we could do about it until the next day.
On Tuesday Kim contacted Holt to give them the revised wording and to say "call me back if you have any questions." We were both in lots of meetings during the day but during a brief break where she was back in her office Kim got a phone call. Caller ID said: Holt International.
"Hello"
"Hi Kim, I talked to headquarters about your situation."
"OK"
"We have a couple of boys for you, one is 10 months, and one is 3 years old."
"Are you taking notes?"
"Um, yes. We… we, don’t have our dossier complete yet."
"Yes, I know. We talked about it and we think the timing will work out perfect. Would you like us to send you the referral?"
"… I’ll have to talk to John."
When I called Kim back in response to her important and urgent sounding text message I could tell that she was having trouble breathing. After telling me the situation she said "So…" And I said "Great. It’s what we wanted, let’s check it out."
The email was sent to us both but Kim wouldn’t let me open it without her. She called me back when she was done with meetings and said she was ready. I said "You’re OK with this? We’re not really opening it ‘together’ we’re just opening it at the same time."
She said shakily, "I don’t know, what do you think?"
"Let’s wait until we get home."
Kim, relieved "Ok, I’ll see you in a bit."
When we got home Kim set up the laptop on the kitchen counter and pulled up her email. We looked at each other and decided we were ready. There were two emails. She opened the first of them. "Congratulations… blah blah blah", my eyes scanned down. "Frequently asked questions… blah blah blah" "Kim, don’t read this, just scroll down." Kim scrolled down.
There at the bottom of the email were the pictures. Kim froze. She pulled her hands back from the computer and covered her face. And she cried. There were two boys. Two handsome boys.
I was immediately drawn to the older boy on the left. I started to say to Kim "What a great looking kid." But before I could say anything her hand shot out and she pointed to the kid on the right and said "He is so cute." I refocused. Oh wait, this is the email for the younger child. The kid I was looking at wasn’t even our kid. "Yeah, I said. He is."
We sat and stared and cried. Then we opened the second email for the older boy, and there he was, the boy on the left side of the first picture. The older brother. He looked so smart, and serious, and sometimes worried, but good. And Kim cried on.
We figured out that there were newer pictures that showed them in the current care center. They look good. Well fed and cared for and in a good place. There are also older pictures that appear to have been taken when they first came to the care center where the younger one is wearing a 2006 St. Patrick’s Day Old Navy shirt and a bewildered expression.
I finally walked around to the other side of the kitchen island where I could just stare up into Kim’s face. Stare and drink it up. My mind went to the Bible passages of Mary when it said that she stored all those things up in her heart. I could tell that Kim’s heart was full and overflowing.
Kim said "I don’t know what to do."
"Well" I said "I think it’s pretty obvious that we want these boys."
She just nodded. "Well then, that’s what we’ll do."
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We are beyond excited. The timeline their giving us is 4-5 months until we can travel. We still have to finish our dossier and schedule a court date in Ethiopia (probably in September). If we are approved through court we could travel sometime in November or December.
The boys are both healthy and developmentally on track. Praise the Lord!! We have pictures but can't send them through email or post them anywhere. If you're in the area - stop by - we'll be happy to share.
Ways you can pray:
* Praise for good health and well-being.
* Pray for cooperative governments
* Pray for our finances (we thought we had several more months to plan and save). God will provide!
Thank you again for all your support and prayers so far. They are working!
July 29, 2009
Things are moving right along in our adoption adventure.
After a little nagging from Kim, our addendum that allows us to adopt more than one child has arrived. We then mailed it to the Kansas Secretary of State for certification. We received it back and have included it in our Dossier (the big packet of paperwork with more information about our lives than anyone should have to know).
As of 10:00 this morning this precious packet of paper left our hands and is on it's way to Oregon where the agency headquarters is located.
We also sent two handmade "My Family" books with pictures of us, our pets, and our house. With help from the Kinko's guy...the books are printed, laminated, and spiral bound. Each boy has their own book and will be able to learn our faces and hopefully feel more comfortable when they see us in real life.
And finally, we've sent two birthday cards. The oldest of our boys turns 3 on Sunday and the youngest will be 1 on September 2nd. That was a weird feeling. Shopping for birthday cards for your children who are half a world away. A very good feeling...but weird.
Here are some answers to a few of the frequently asked questions we've been asked.
1. Will you get to name them?
We will. We have a list of potential names that we hope will be narrowed down soon. We will keep their given names as their middle names. The 3 year old's given name is Mebratu which means "light". The 1 year old's name is Mitiku which means "replace". With a little help from a new Ethiopian friend we've learned more about the meaning of their names. In Ethiopia the meaning is often more important than the actual name. Everyone knows what their name means. The actual translation is difficult but from what we've heard, Mebratu means something like a radiant, strong light. Mitiku means something like a replacement in my soul. If someone close to you dies and you're pregnant, you name your baby "replace", like "take the place of". I hope that makes sense.
2. When will you be able to bring them home?
They're telling us it will be about 4 to 5 months. The Ethiopian court closes for about 6 weeks during the rainy season. Typically they re-open in September. Our agency is hoping to get us on the first round of hearings in September. If we "pass court", which means that the Ethiopian government has given us custody of the boys, then it takes about 4 weeks to arrange airline tickets and lodging in Ethiopia.
3. Why are the boys available for adoption?
Because they have a mother who did the most unselfish thing she could do. She gave them the gift of a better life.
4. How long will you be in Ethiopia?
About 10 days. We will travel and stay with other adoptive parents. We'll get to spend every day with the boys and hopefully by the end of our trip, they'll feel comfortable enough with us that they won't be scared to get on an airplane. We go as a family to the US Embassy for our final visa appointment. As soon as we do that, we can come home. What a day that will be!
So that's where we are now.
Thanks again for your support through all of this. We're getting more and more excited everyday.
We'll keep you posted as things progress.
September 2, 2009
...And so we wait.
The Ethiopian courts are now officially closed for the rainy season so nothing much will happen this month. That doesn't mean that we're not busy with preparations however. We're still able to get pictures and updates (more on that later) and we're discovering the art of nesting. Here's a rundown of what we've been up to.
Names:
We'll start our rundown with names so that I can refer to them appropriately throughout the rest of this post. As you might recall, we had decided to keep the boy's given names as their middle names and we would give them new first names. So without further ado...here they are!
(Sorry - names have been removed to protect the innocent. If you know us in real life - I'm happy to share - just email me.)
Pictures:
One of the caseworkers from our agency was in Ethiopia in July and was able to take pictures of the boys. I still can't send them to you but I'll do my best to describe them. Since the first pictures we got that were taken in April, C has developed rolls on his arms (yeah for normal weight gain!). He always has a confused and surprised look on his face. In the latest pictures he's wearing a striped shirt with a baseball on it which made Grandpa very happy. S, who looked sad and serious in the first set of pictures, now has a charming little grin. He looks happy - which gave me a big sense of relief. His early pictures made me a little sad.
We'll be able to send pictures as soon as we "pass court" and the boys are legally ours. Hopefully that won't be too much longer. I know you are anxious to see them and we're anxious to send them to you.
Health Updates:
We received new health and developmental evaluations yesterday. The boys are perfectly healthy and developmentally on-track. For all you teachers out there - and there are a lot of you - C can follow simple commands, looks for hidden objects, pulls to stand, finger feeds, etc. S can name 8 objects in pictures, can stack 10+ blocks, understands sharing, and shows affection. He does not enjoy playing alone however.
Nesting:
John and I are working on getting their room ready. We passed the ultimate right of parental passage last night and put the crib together successfully and with our marriage intact. The boys will share a room at first. We thought it would better for their adjustment if they weren't alone in a strange place. We'll use the loft as the playroom and slowly but surely these rooms are coming together. Once I get everything in order I'll send pictures.
The Next Step:
Our dossier (the big packet of paperwork) has arrived in Ethiopia safely by way of Eugene, OR and Washington D.C. From there we will be assigned a court date. We hope it will be some time in October. We do not have to be there. There's an attorney that works with our agency who will represent us. It's not unusual for people to not pass court the first time. It's better for everyone if we do though.
Once we "pass court", the boys are legally ours. It will then be about 4 to 6 weeks before we can travel to go get them.
We're still thinking that they will be home with us by Christmas.
Things to Pray About:
- that Ethiopia will get lots of rain (which they need) in a short amount of time.
- that our paperwork doesn't get shuffled around or lost while it sits and waits for the courts to re-open.
- that my baby feels blessed and happy on his 1st birthday (that's today - don't talk about it or I'll cry....oh, too late!)
- that John and I can tie up some fairly big projects at work so we'll be ready to travel and focus on our boys.
- finances - we're doing okay but again, this is happening much sooner than we planned.
- that we pass court, the first time.
So there you have it. Thanks again for all the encouraging words. I don't care if I sound like a broken record - we really could not do this without the support and love of our friends and family.
October 22, 2009
John took over the reigns for the latest addition of our adoption update. As you can tell, he's less wordy than his counterpart. :) I've added my commentary in parenthesis...I just can't help it.
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This is John writing the update this time. Kim and I wanted to send something out to keep everyone informed on our progress. The courts in Ethiopia were supposed to be closed for the month of September for the rainy season and then re-open at the beginning of October.
At the beginning of October we got an email from our agency that the rainy season was indeed over, but that courts were going to be closed for an additional 3 weeks for staff training. That same email had more bad news about a delay in processing immigration in Ethiopia. So, it looks much less likely now that we will be able to have the boys home for Christmas this year. (I cried once and moved on - this is the life in international adoption. Don't set your expectations too firmly - plans change all the time. I mailed off a care-package to the boys last week with cards and stickers and coloring pages - mostly for my own benefit. Right now we're just waiting to hear that our court date has been scheduled.)
We are happy to report that we have made a lot of progress in being ready for the boys’ arrival. We’ve been blessed by so many people donating clothes and other useful things to us. We have the nursery all decked out with a crib, a changing table, and twin sized bed.
Currently there are piles of clothes on the bed as well, thanks to everyone helping out by passing on those hand-me-downs. We've also found some good thrift store sources. We feel more comfortable buying used when we don’t know for sure what will fit. (We were pretty happy to put this together without buying any new furniture. We refinished the night stand and changing table. People recommended that we keep their room simple because that's what the boys are used to. It's simple - but inviting I think.)
Kim recently spoke at a women’s conference at our church. She and two other women who have already adopted talked about their experiences and shared information with people who were interested in adopting, or were just curious about the process. Her talk was well received and there seems to be genuine interest from people that we know.
Thanks to everyone for your support.
November 16, 2009
I told John last night that I was giving our agency one more week of silence and if we didn't hear anything about a having a court date scheduled, I was going to let them know just how I felt about it. Someone must have told them because we heard late this afternoon that WE HAVE A COURT DATE!!!
This is what we've been waiting for since July. We knew there were delays and closures to tend with but this part of the process has been hard for me. I remind myself that we received our referral (the initial photos and demographic information) much sooner than we anticipated so it is just our time to wait. Turns out I'm not that patient (hush family!).
Our case will be heard in the Ethiopian courts THIS Wednesday 11/18. There's always a chance that things will run late and they won't get to us but we're at least on the list. Our agency has a good reputation with the courts and most families are approved during the first court hearing. It's not too worrisome if we're not approved. It usually means that a document has to be updated or redone.
There's been a recent change in the court procedure for adoption cases. They won't tell us the outcome of our hearing until they receive the written report, which can take up to a week. We, of course, will update all of you as soon as we hear.
We'll obviously not be in Ethiopia for the hearing. There's an attorney that works for the agency who will represent us. They have our dossier (the big packet that describes everything - and I mean everything - about us) and will make a decision based on that information.
If we "pass court" then the boys are officially ours. They of course have been "ours" in our hearts already but we can bring them home without being charged with kidnapping. It will be another 6-8 weeks before we can actually get on an airplane to go get them. The good news for you is that once we "pass court" we can send you pictures of our beautiful children. We can't wait for you to meet them.
Things to pray about:
- That court will run smoothly on Wednesday
- That the judge will look favorably on us
- That the hearts of our children are prepared for such a big change
As always - thanks for the love and support you've shown so far. We'll keep you posted as soon as we hear anything.
Congratulations - you made it to the end. We'll try to be more diligent about updating the blog from here on out.
