Chatter Boxes

Every year I have to fill out a new application for health insurance coverage through my employer. They've gotten fancier over the years and now the entire process can be done online using a new fangled questionnaire through the hospital's website.

You fill out which plan you would like, whether you want vision or dental coverage and who your beneficiaries are in case you die. When it got to the supplemental life insurance section, the following window popped up accompanied by a siren-like alarm (okay so it was just a beep but my speakers were turned up all the way from a previous project so it sounded as if I should grab my purse and head to the nearest safe-spot and await further instructions.)


Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do!! Easy there Open Enrollment Benefits website. Nobody asked you to find me one. And last I checked, I seemed to be able to handle that particular task just fine on my own!

Every once in a while something will come up that makes the little voice in my head say, "Wow...You're getting married!?!"

In this game of life, I hope I can look back and see that I played my "single" hand well.

My single-hand wasn't played perfectly. I had a few low cards. There was more than one pity party. Why is it that when your own relationships aren't going well, it feels like everyone else is skipping playfully through fields of pretty flowers, hand-in-hand with the man of their dreams, while birds chirp and harp music can be heard in the background? I admittedly spent more than one evening waiting for McDreamy to dial my number and make the watched phone ring.

But for the most part I did okay. I traded in those low cards and collected a few Kings and Aces that helped mold me into the person I am. I traveled. I made friends. I traveled with the friends I made. I got involved in important things. I had fun!

So with the hand I've got...I call...and feel pretty good about my chances to win.

I'm proud of myself for not being sadly single. I honestly think it will make me a better wife. I don't expect John to be "my everything". John says that's why we have friends. He doesn't have to be excited about the fact that the DMB concert is 4 days away because I just had lunch with my friend Lisa and she's excited enough for the both of them. I don't have to learn how to play guitar so John has a jam-buddy because his friend Tim is good enough for the both of us.

John is an important part of my life and I'm so lucky to have him. But he isn't my whole life. I have a life. He has a life. And now we'll have a life together. We'll keep doing the things that were important to us before. Some of it together...some of it apart. He compliments me but he doesn't complete me. So take that Tom "Cooky" Cruise!

Now if only I could get the people who write music to understand this so I don't have to sift through titles like, "All I Ever Needed" or "How Do I Live Without You" and "Nothing Else Matters" when searching for wedding music.

We're back from a weekend at the In-law's Retreat Center. Okay, so it's not exactly a retreat center but it serves as one for me. John and I spent the weekend visiting his parents in Nashoba, Oklahoma. Here are a few highlights and pictures.

Calls on my cell phone: none
Emails to answer: noneAppointments with architects/builders/florists/photographers/caterers: noneDecisions made about carpet/appliances/invitations/wedding music: none
Nights of peaceful slumber in this lovely cabin (under construction) by the pond: two

Hours spent on this pond for my first ever attempt at fishing: no idea...that's the beauty of it!

Size of my first fish: See photo! Oh Baby!
Hours spent napping on Saturday afternoon: not sure but it felt great
Calves born over the weekend: one...oh so cute!
Ticks removed from skin (so far - I'm still looking): two...but as John says, "Any day I didn't get a tick growing up was a day I must have not done anything fun."
Fish cleaned after my first ever attempt at fishing: Are you kidding? Let's not push it folks!
Chance to get away and spend time with two lovely people I'm happy to have as my in-laws: priceless

To Ms. Chatty Pants -

The following topics should not be discussed on a cell phone in close quarters:
-the itchy rash on your leg
-vomit
-the fight you had with your baby's daddy

Thank you for taking your fellow passengers into consideration.

Sincerely,
Uncomfortable passenger

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To Mr. Chivalrous -

Thank you for holding the door for me when my hands were full on my way into the building this morning. It was very kind of you.

Sincerely,
Grateful Dame

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To Mr. Cigarette in right hand, Portable Oxygen in the left -

A+B= KABOOM!!!

Sincerely,
Miss 500 Foot Clearance

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To Q104 -

"Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy" is not an appropriate song to dedicate to the 8th Grade class returning from a field trip who called in to ask you to play a song.

Sincerely,
Aghast in my Car

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To The Cast of Will and Grace -

That was weird!

Sincerely,
Puzzled with Popcorn

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To Ms. Gas-N-Go -

I'm glad you're not my friend! But if you were my friend, I wonder how much I'd be worth?

Sincerely,
Too Smart to Stay Behind

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To The Kansas City Royals -

It doesn't hurt anymore...do whatever you want.

Sincerely,
Miss I Go For the Fountains

Dear Gender-neutral department store:

I have found myself involved in numerous shopping experiences lately. This isn't something I despise...at times I find it rather enjoyable. However, I've learned a few things in the last few weeks and I would like to share it with you. I believe it will benefit both you and your customers.

First, for the love of Pete, dim the dressing room lights. It is not flattering and it doesn't make us feel good. If we feel good about ourselves, we buy more. The ultraviolet beaming tube lights shining on, over, and around me make me want to run far far away as fast as my pasty white legs can move. As a sidenote, there should be a "swimsuit" button in all dressing rooms where the lights dim even more (or go out completely), and people look tan.

Second, the word average is defined as "the usual or ordinary kind or quality". This means that there are a greater number of people who wear the average sizes and you should buy more of those. I was recently in a clothing store and looking through tops which the salesperson said had arrived last week. The only sizes left were teenie-wheenie and hubba-bubba. What about those of us who are so-so? Please take us into consideration when stocking the shelves. (If you consider yourself to be either one of those sizes, there's a really cute skirt on the clearance rack at New York & Company.)

Thank you for your thoughtful consideration.

- K. Shopper