Chatter Boxes

Dear Gender-neutral department store:

I have found myself involved in numerous shopping experiences lately. This isn't something I despise...at times I find it rather enjoyable. However, I've learned a few things in the last few weeks and I would like to share it with you. I believe it will benefit both you and your customers.

First, for the love of Pete, dim the dressing room lights. It is not flattering and it doesn't make us feel good. If we feel good about ourselves, we buy more. The ultraviolet beaming tube lights shining on, over, and around me make me want to run far far away as fast as my pasty white legs can move. As a sidenote, there should be a "swimsuit" button in all dressing rooms where the lights dim even more (or go out completely), and people look tan.

Second, the word average is defined as "the usual or ordinary kind or quality". This means that there are a greater number of people who wear the average sizes and you should buy more of those. I was recently in a clothing store and looking through tops which the salesperson said had arrived last week. The only sizes left were teenie-wheenie and hubba-bubba. What about those of us who are so-so? Please take us into consideration when stocking the shelves. (If you consider yourself to be either one of those sizes, there's a really cute skirt on the clearance rack at New York & Company.)

Thank you for your thoughtful consideration.

- K. Shopper